What's the story, Soap & Glory?

So I only just discovered that Soap & Glory also do skincare - how comes nobody told me eh?? I like Soap & Glory, more so for its retro 1950s theme, its sense of humour, fun and use of witty puns rather than its actual products. And because I have only just come across their skincare range, I just had to have it all. A little greedy I know but I couldn't decide where to start. I was pretty much like a kid in a candy store. When faced with a new brand I struggle to whittle down the products available, it's like out of the gazillion moisturisers which one should I pick, oh and if I'm going to select the face wash then I really should have the face scrub too, and the face exfoliator, and the face mask. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Not so good for a decision shy person like myself.

Just for the record, the following are not all the skincare products that Soap & Glory offer, I couldn't afford them all in one big swoop. However, it does come pretty close. I picked the most attractive and appealing of the bunch, a bit like picking teams at school in P.E., you know where the, ahem, less able kids sheepishly dawdled their thumbs whilst the more athletic got chosen before them. Anyway, here's my review, and seeing as it's entirely based on skincare do expect a lot of 'soft', 'smooth' and 'radiant', maybe we'll do a tally at the end eh. Or maybe I'll just add 'thesaurus' to my next Christmas list.

Soap & Glory Catch A Wrinkle In Time Moisturiser - Am trying not to use the taboo words but they all apply here. This moisturiser instantly plumps and brightens the skin, leaving it glowing and looking very youthful. The results are that of a healthier appearance. I am amazed at how clear and revitalised my skin looks immediately, it's like a high dosage of energy. I do however have to use a generous amount in order to quench the thirst of my extremely dry skin. Fine lines become less prominent and ironed out after regular use, and although it is kind on facial creases, do not purchase this expecting it to work miracles on deep-set wrinkles. Sorry to be blunt (not James Blunt. Or Emily Blunt. The word blunt) but that just ain't going to happen, wrinkles will not just fade away upon appliance but they will definitely appear gentler. This cream smells like Terry's Chocolate Orange, it's not a strong or overpowering scent, just a mere hint. Overall, it's suitable for those who suffer from a dull or tired complexion as it perks up the skin right away. As the name suggests, it is also ideal for those who are just beginning to develop signs of ageing and wish to 'catch a wrinkle in time'.

Soap & Glory Glow Job Daily Radiance Moisture Lotion - Does exactly what it says on the tin. This moisturiser is infused with beads which burst after applying pressure, releasing a bronzer-like substance which provides a hint of colour to your complexion, resulting in beautiful, iridescent skin. It's a suitable product for fans of the 'au naturel' look or anybody searching for a lighter alternative to tinted moisturiser - if you regularly wear foundation then there's no real point in opting for this product because its glowing qualities will be wasted. Although the moisturiser itself seems fairly modest when smeared on, the effect is greatly noticeable. Fab if you want to give your skin a healthy and lustrous boost. It carries the same chocolate orange smell like the cream above.

Soap & Glory Wish Upon A Jar - A bit like the product above. But better. It's marketed as a collagen overhaul cream which you are supposed to use day and night for three weeks every three months - three it seems is truly the magic number here. And magic itself is the perfect word for this moisturiser. What happens if you use it more frequently than three weeks every three months, I have no idea. Does the ground open up and swallow you whole? Do you turn into a frog? Do the Soap & Glory police arrest you for defying their beauty laws? Who knows? Everything about this product is enchanting, from its name to its silver ball-like pot or tub or jar or whatever you want to call it. It has stars on it don't you know. Not real ones silly. Anyway, so the cream itself, the cream is a light pink marvel. My skin feels amazingly softer than soft when I rub it into my face, and is left looking exceptionally luminous and gleaming. It is actually all glittery - think it must be the 'triple-action youthfake wrinkle-disguising diamond spheres'. WTF I hear you ask, once again, no idea, but anything with the word diamond in it sounds pretty good to me. Supposedly these diamond spheres 'illuminate your skin with a special spectrum blue glow', at least that's what the packaging enforces. Just to clarify, no, your face does not emit a blue glow as soon as the cream is applied. That I can assure you. I promise. It does make it beautifully glisten though. And that's never a bad thing. In fact you could probably even skip the foundation with this as it leaves your complexion all smooth and even. Oh and did I mention glistening? There is something about it that reminds me of No7's Age Rewind range which used to be my favourite skincare not too long ago. That's a plus by the way.

Soap & Glory Bright Here Bright Now Instant-Radiance Energy Balm - Is meant to be a quick-fix, like injecting a shot of energy into tired and dull skin, you know, if you've been working hard all night or have been partying like crazy until the wee hours of the morning, think of it as hangover food for the skin. Does it work? Hmmmm. It's a peachy coloured cream that you can either use as a moisturiser alone or blend into your foundation if you wish, either way it has glowing properties which alleviate the complexion but go easy on it as it can also leave you looking a tad orange if you know what I mean. It doesn't make my skin dazzle like it adamantly declares, in fact it hardly does much for my complexion other than adding a little colour to it. I'd opt for Mac's Strobe Cream instead, now that's a fail-proof energy balm that Soap & Glory can take notes from. It has resurrected my skin after many late, alcohol-fuelled nights so I can nothing but highly recommend it.

Soap & Glory Night In Shining Armour Cream - A night cream at last! Has an orange-y smell to it which immediately has me drawing parallels to Garnier's Stop range. This is a beauty though. Skin feels incredibly soft after application, not to mention looks noticeably brighter too. It is an anti-wrinkle cream and so smoothes the complexion well, leaving it revitalised and youthful. Such a shame that it's a night cream and you are only heading to bed after applying it - what a waste! Must say that it has astonishing moisturising abilities though, so much so that skin is still hydrated and fresh in the morning. Good one for when the boyfriend's staying over!

Soap & Glory Face Soap and Clarity 3-in-1 Daily-Detox Vitamin C Facial Wash - Does its job. And if that's what you are looking for then fantastic. It's not a face soap but like so can dry the skin a tad after use. Lathers well and you can clearly smell the Vitamin C citrusy fragrance which instantly makes the skin feel all tingly and refreshed, reminds me very much of Garnier's Stop Anti-Ageing Skin Refining Wash. It is permeated with tiny bead-like entities which heighten the face wash experience. It does leave your skin feeling squeaky clean but is nothing special in my humble opinion.

Soap & Glory Greatest Scrub Of All - I wouldn't say it's the greatest scrub of all, I mean it's okay but definitely not the greatest scrub of all. I've had better. It's silky with the presence of ickle grains which are there to gently exfoliate your skin, these grains are not as harsh as those of some exfoliators that I have encountered before so it's not a painful experience at all. Skin is left smooth and brighter after use, although slightly dry too. Very brief but unfortunately there is nothing else I can add or elaborate with this product.

Soap & Glory Scrub Your Nose In It - Extreme tingle factor here. Has got to be something to do with the minty smell. This face scrub looks more like a clay mask due to its consistency and green-ish colour, apparently what do you know, it doubles up as a face mask too so if you're feeling lazy utilise as a scrub, if you have a few minutes to spare then treat it as a mask. It's not bad you know. If I'm being completely honest I didn't really expect much from it but it left my complexion all replenished and new. Skin feels extremely exhilarated and revived after use, and much longer thereafter. Miles better than the scrub above, skip that one and pick this one instead.

Soap & Glory The Fab Pore 15-Minute Facial Peel - Sorry, my bad, please excuse me for thinking this facial peel was actually going to be a facial peel. You mean to say it's not? Nope, not at all. It's more like a facial mask really. It's quite chalky looking, chalky in consistency and chalky when applied. With a subtle chewing gum smell. Not in a fresh and minty way but more like in a used chewing gum kind of way, the way that already chewed gum still retains that slight, small fraction of the scent it once had. This facial 'peel' is meant to be smothered on for fifteen minutes and is apparently created with oily skin in mind as it targets enlarged pores with its pore shrinking abilities. I cannot comment on this feature as my pores are rather microscopic to begin with - no, I'm not boasting, it's the truth! What I can claim is that it leaves my skin looking clean, like my skin actually looks a few shades lighter which makes me wonder just how dirty it was to begin with. Other than that there is nothing else I can find to rave about in relation to this product. It's nothing spectacular to be honest.

Soap & Glory Deep Pore Detox Mask - I want to like this, I really do, so I am trying my best to avoid slagging it off in any direct manner. It heats up when rubbed on, which is lovely because it feels all warm and soothing on the skin, and I really am impressed by stuff like that because it makes me feel like it's doing something special, even when it probably isn't. Hey, I can't help it, I'm easily swayed by illusions. You are meant to keep it slapped on for around three to five minutes but I always tend to leave face masks on for longer as it reassures me that they have done their thang properly, you know, for maximum effect. It's minty in colour and minty in scent, and feels rather tingly after the warm sensation ends. Like with most face masks, you are bound to miss a spot when rinsing it off but there is a small sponge provided should your hands not prove adequate enough. As for the result... suddenly it's gone all quiet on my end... well what can I say, it feels better on than off. This hydration and moisture thief leaves my skin extremely dry, think desert dry here - exactly what I am not looking for as my skin is pretty dry to start off with. Maybe other skin types will fare better, like those prone to an oily complexion but for me it's a huge thumbs down. See, I was very diplomatic and cordial in my assessment. It is possible from time to time you know.

Soap & Glory The Fab Pore Hot Cloth Cleanser - I really had no clue whatsoever as to what a hot pore cleanser was but I expected it to be some proper fancy treatment. So imagine my disappointment when I opened up the packaging to realise that it was only just a cleanser and face cloth combo. Nice. I do like it though. With its blend of sweet almond, orange and lavender oils it is a delight to the sense of smell, not only that but it provides an aromatherapy quality which helps to calm and pamper the skin. It really does feel like a luxurious treat. And its fragrance reminds me a little of Crème de la Mer and Yon-Ka Serum which is a good thing folks, like a really, really good thing. It's a fab product for those with dry or dehydrated skin in particular because it glides on to nourish the skin fully. Afterwards your complexion feels rejuvenated and oh so soft. Soap & Glory got it pretty darn right with this one.

Soap & Glory Dr Spot - With spot treatments where I tend to go wrong is that I expect immediate results. I know very well that applying a little of whichever special spot fighting remedy is not actually going to make those poxy irritants disappear in a jiffy yet I still expect this to be the case. Neither is slathering the stuff on. Yet I still do it. You need a little patience with this one which is a pretty tough task for somebody mega impatient like me. Let's make things clear, this won't make spots disappear in a few seconds like magic, it's no miracle gel. I have found that it is better on smaller pimples where it stops them from becoming further aggravated, and prevents them from developing into full blown volcanoes. It will not work on spots of the red and angry variety, despite its strong claims of targeting 'stubborn spots'. Slight exaggeration on their part really. I think I'll just stick with my Thursday Plantation Tea Tree Blemish Gel thank you very much.

Final verdict: Soap & Glory skincare is a little hit and miss really, with products ranging from mediocre to quite yummy. Although I admit that there are a few products that I do actually like, sadly there are none that I can say that I well and truly love - there seems to be nothing extraordinary enough on offer here to make it into my beauty hall of fame. Mind you, they are rather pretty to look at though. Ah, little ol' forever superficial me.

What a load of lip!

Make-up (is it one word, two words, two words brought together by a hyphen - who knows?) is to women what oil pastels and watercolour paints are to an artist, some actually even believe make-up itself is art or at least some form of it, with the face being a blank canvas, and if that is indeed the case then recently I have become fairly monotone in this craft. I used to be experimental and creative with make-up in my teens (am talking silver glitter lipstick and blue mascara here, not in unison of course, well I hope not anyway, however I can't guarantee such a combination never transpired) but now I always seem to rock the same look - dramatic eyes and understated lips which means heavy eyeliner and lashings of mascara with a soft and subtle pink tinge on the lips for a day look and exactly the same but with the addition of a navy eyeshadow for an evening look. I know, not very imaginative.

Ironically though, my make-up collection is so vast that it extends to a fair few drawers, all bursting with a wide array of shades and hues. It's not like I shy away from colour and such, it's just that I have become rather lazy and comfortable in my routine look. Sometimes I will mix it up a little and opt for a different eyeshadow or lipstick but usually I just stick with my traditional get-up, it's easier, besides habits are difficult to break and die hard and all that blah. No excuse I'll have you know.

So I have decided to shake it up a tad - am ditching the thick eyeliner in favour of something more poutastic, am thinking bare eyes and sexy lips, and here is an assortment of lippy that I have procured in order to achieve this new vision:

Kiss Me - Rimmel Colour Show Off
Transform yourself into a sexy siren with this stunning coral red shade. This show-stopping colour should suit the majority, especially those with an olive colouring and those with a warm skin tone. It can be bold so keep the rest of your make-up minimal, unless of course you want to look like you are entertaining at a kid's birthday party. It feels extremely soft and luscious but be sure to prep and moisturise lips before application otherwise it can be quite unforgiving - highlighting flaws such as dryness and flakiness. It's also not all that generous with hydration, lips will eventually feel very tight but if you favour colour over moisture then this is your ideal lip rouge.

Pink Gossip - Rimmel Colour Show Off
A watermelon pink that makes lips look ultra juicy. I personally am not exactly mad keen on the colour, I mean it's okay, nothing of an outstanding nature though, just a sort of middle-of-the-road pink really. The shade itself is far more complimentary on a fairer complexion where the hue appears brighter against the lighter skin tone. This lipstick is from the same collection as the one above, and therefore I cannot stress enough the need to exfoliate lips by brushing away dead skin cells from their surface, and then moisturising well with a lip balm prior to wearing the actual lip colour otherwise lip imperfections will be clearly evident - a smooth base is a must.

Diva Red - Rimmel Moisture Renew
This is your classic deep red lipstick - think old Hollywood glamour here. It's a shade that every female should possess within their make-up bag, a fundamental component if you are aiming to pull off a classy and elegant look. The lipstick itself is creamy, intensely pigmented and bursting with so much moisture. It also adds volume to your pout, creating the illusion of fuller lips. Recreate a 1950s feel by accompanying it with a flawless complexion, dramatic eyeliner and fluttering lashes - make sure to skip the blusher and eyeshadow though.

Lily Extase - Rimmel Moisture Renew
A colour I can only really describe as hot pink. It's flirty and feminine, and likely to suit most colourings. I expect it is a great alternative for those who are slightly timid and apprehensive of a more brazen shade of red - it is not quite as striking as pair of strong red lips but there is still enough colour on offer here. The consistency of the lipstick is exactly the same as the one above, both being from the same range, so welcome a smooth finish, hydrated lips and a fuller pout. My lips tend to be rather on the dry side so lipsticks with such moisturising properties are an absolute godsend to me.

Berry Blast - Collection 2000 Lasting Colour
I have been searching endlessly for the perfect shade of purple lipstick, most are either too sheer or verging on the lilac side of the spectrum. Now don't get me wrong, I like lilac, it's such a pretty colour but I have plenty lilac already thank you very much. When I usually pick up a plum or berry lipstick I am always disappointed to find that it's more of a reddish variety than purple but this berry lipstick is actually purely purple and purple alone. It can be layered on the lips, so a slight slick of it will provide a delicate hue whereas a more bounteous slathering will administer a rich berrytastic colour. This lipstick is big on moisture and also adds volume to the lips. I apologise in advance for the snobbish comment but am honestly surprised to have found such an amazing item amongst Collection 2000.

Mudslide - Collection 2000 Lasting Colour
A seriously dark shade, it's like the deepest shade of purple ever. Much bravery is required in order to parade around in this gothic hue, many people will shy away from such a strong colour or feel too self-conscious wearing it, I love it though, it's so trendy and makes you feel like a vampy vixen. Probably not a good idea on a pale complexion as the contrast would be too great and very vampire-like, and let's face it, looking like an extra from the 'Thriller' video is not pretty or smart. Darker skin tones should embrace this colour though, it looks healthier on these colourings and also suits them remarkably well. This lipstick belongs to the same ensemble as the one above, therefore its texture and effect is alike, expect vibrant colour and a more voluptuous pout.


Happy colouring people!

Beauty splurges this month

The following reviews are mega basic and brief because a) I have somewhat of a social life, b) I couldn't care less about ingredients, and because c) I don't get bloody paid for it so hush yourself you demanding, whining, nitpickers. Oh and these products were acquired over the last few months not just one solitary October, I'm not Vicki Beckham you know, my allowance doesn't stretch that far per month.

Clinique Dewy Smooth Anti-ageing Makeup - Those that suffer from dry skin will kindly agree that searching for the ideal foundation is rather like searching for the holy grail. Most foundations tend to dry the skin further, resulting in much flakiness, patchiness and that oh so attractive leathery skin. This, however, is a bottled miracle - it hydrates and plumps my skin from the moment I apply it to moment I wipe it off. Expect great coverage and healthy, glowing skin. And the 'anti-ageing' bit is not a marketing scheme folks, skin does actually look considerably younger. The result is a fresh-faced, porcelain look. What's not to love eh?

Mac Face and Body Foundation - Far to weak to parade around as a foundation for the face - the consistency is not quite right, it's far too runny and does not blend well but weave in some body moisturiser and it makes for a lovely tinted moisturiser to slap on your legs, you know, to give them renewed life and such.

L'Oreal Voluminous 4x Mascara - A hasty purchase but wow, what a find, I believe it must have been fate, it had to have been fate. So there I was, all mascara-less, Boots online were all out of stock on my ass about my favourite mascara, and I accidentally bought the waterproof version of it in store (and we all know waterproof is not good, maybe if you swim a lot then it's possibly okay but other than that it is the opposite of all things good), so I plastered on the only option I had - the poxy waterproof mascara, with no idea on how to remove it without pulling my eyelashes out of their socket - and bopped along to Superdrug, hoping that they would have the regular version of my favourite mascara but alas, no such luck. So there I was in a state of panic that perhaps, just perhaps, they had phased out my favourite mascara - the fiends! But more panic in that I had a date the day after the next, and it was necessary that a replacement was discovered so that flirting successfully with my eyes all evening long was possible. And almost like the Wise Men following a star, I was led to this lengthening and volumising marvel. It does exactly what it claims, quadruples your lashes for the sexiest, most glamorous flutter.

MeMeMe Lash Attack Mascara - The backup hasty purchase should the above have failed. There seemed to be a huge hoopla about this brand in Superdrug at the time, and the tacky packaging screamed cheap yet at the same time I guiltily found it rather funky. The mascara itself is pants, just complete pants. Do not believe a word it says about being all 'extreme lengthening' and all that, damn lies I tell you, in fact this mascara is so below average that I am ashamed to admit that I purchased, even more ashamed to have reviewed it - it is not worthy of a review, but if this review were to stop a single person, just one small person (like a troll or a midget), from purchasing this pants product then it would not have been in vain. I am doing it for the greater good.

Revlon Fabulash Mascara - My secret to magnificent lashes. Many are undecided on this product, with reviews ranging from it being relatively so-so to being absolutely amazing. I agree with the latter school of thought. It produces silky, clump-free lashes that are luxuriously long and thick - can't really ask for more than that, unless of course you want it to do the housework for you, which it won't by the way because it's only a mascara dammit.

No 7 Stay Perfect Eyeshadow in Midnight Blue - My main gripe with most eyeshadow is that it just doesn't stay put and creases. This one does, stay put I mean, not crease. The powder is quite rich in texture, and glides on easily and evenly - no eyeshadow-related mishaps here people. And it lasts forever! Okay, maybe not forever but until I wipe it off anyway which is pretty good going. It means that it is still firmly in place after a night's heavy partying, you know, around three-ish when it's not quite night and it's not quite day, and your hair now smells of cigarette smoke, and has transformed from sleek to gritty, your make-up is in a dishevelled state, and your clothes are all crumpled with an unknown blotch fighting its way to the spotlight, well, despite all this at least your eyeshadow will still remain immaculate. Also, a note on the colour - the most sultry shade like, ever. It's an indigo-navy hue with a somewhat metallic shimmer, pile it on generously, and you can achieve dark and intensely smokey eyes.

Rimmel Glam'Eyes Professional Liquid Liner - I have tried many eyeliners but either they are too dry and hence the crackle effect, or the brush is too fine or too thick which inevitably makes application tricky and an outright pain. This liquid eyeliner does a great job, the brush is perfectly balanced in size to create chic eyes, and the liquid is concentrated enough to produce a deep yet sharp outline.

Rimmel Professional Eyebrow Pencil - Just your regular eyebrow pencil really, there is nothing much to rave about here guys. It has a soft finish which although is great for filling in empty eyebrow spaces, is not so great for defining the ends of the eyebrow. It seems Rimmel have altered the formula of this pencil slightly, it used to be firmer and definitive in application whereas now it is far more delicate. Also, not sure if it's just because my pencil sharperner is quite frankly rubbish but this eyebrow pencil is a royal pain to sharpen - the lead just keeps breaking off and before you know it the pencil has almost disappeared. Not good Rimmel, not good.

Rimmel Lasting Finish Lipstick in Pink Blush - My standard lippy. It must have moisturising properties because my lips stay rather hydrated and soft. The creamy texture offers a glossy and smooth coating, and I am the first to admit that the product is definitely not massively long lasting as it suggests but reapplication is not beneath me so I really don't mind at all. The intensity of the shade actually depends entirely on the colour you select. Pink Blush is meant to be quite sheer and subtle so is not deeply pigmented - it allows the focal point to be smouldering eyes. If I fancy a sexy pout instead, I opt for Retro which is a very trendy red-orange shade, both vivid and dramatic.

Rimmel 5 in 1 Nail Treat - I tend to steer clear of colour on my nails, not only is it very high maintenance in the sense that you need to preserve it by being on complete standby for any chipping, you also must keep adapting it to accommodate your attire - far too much hassle methinks. I prefer a clear, glossy polish as it's neutral and also more classy. Rimmel's Nail Rescue is my usual choice, it's actually a nail repair treatment for weak nails like mine, serving to strengthen them in just two weeks, yet at the same time it's very clear polish-like. Perfect really. Except I couldn't find it online or in store and had to settle for this imitation. It promises to do pretty much the same thing except in addition it also claims to be a base coat and top coat - quite a multitasker I say. I can't comment on its base and top coat abilities as I don't wear nail varnish on my fingernails but it does ensure shiny nails, and it also seems to have accelerated nail growth, however they don't quite look or feel any stronger yet.

Thursday Plantation Tea Tree Blemish Gel - Sort of like a superhero for the skin that fights evil baddie spots and such. This invisible gel (invisible - very superhero-like eh - nice) is totally uh-may-zing! It reduces redness and pimple size which means they don't look all angry and menacing. I love it so much that, spots or no spots, I slather it all over my face morning and night in a very ritualistic manner (fear not, there's no tribal dance and war paint involved), I feel like my skin will erupt in spots if I don't, kind of like how some people think their family may die if they don't turn the light switch on and off ten times before exiting the house.

Garnier UltraLift Anti-wrinkle Day Cream and Night Cream - Smells absolutely gorgeous, which I know is irrelevant but still. I used this moisturiser combination in my late teens and early twenties but was lured to other products and so ditched it in favour of them, having returned to it again I can say that I am in no rush to leave this time round. The rich, creamy recipe nourishes my dry skin as well as establishing a great base for foundation. My skin looks healthier and brighter, not to mention soft, smooth and supple. Huge thumbs up from me.

Garnier handrepair Hand Cream - Sinks into the skin very readily and easily, there is no greasiness or smothered feeling here. Hands immediately appear tighter on application.

Good Things Five Minute Facial Face Mask - Being an absolute sucker for new, tempting products on the market, I spotted a somewhat shrine to the Good Things brand in my local Boots, and just had to indulge myself despite the fact that I had never even heard of the damn range. There's some great, big fuss about these products being created using superfruit extracts, and we all know fruit is mega healthy so this can't really be a bad thing, and so therefore must be an, erm... good thing - wonder if it counts towards my five-a-day? For those who wish to know, this selection has been constructed by some beauty writer named Alice Hart-Davis (rings no bells whatsoever) who has used her 'expertise in the beauty industry' (so informs the back of the tube) to compose this stuff, this means absolutely zilch to me because as far as I am concerned writing about something does not immediately make you qualified enough to manufacture that something. This clay mask is lovely though, and it smells divine. I love clay masks because they have this instant purifying feeling about them, this one is softer than most and feels like a total lavish treat - amazing boost for your skin before a night out.

Good Things Stay Clear Purifying Cleanser - Ah, that traditional exquisite Good Things smell is the first thing to hit your senses. This cleanser is fairly efficient at its job -it makes skin feel fresher and more refined - however there is nothing on offer here that would possibly make it remarkable. Just my humble opinion, that's all, let's not shoot the messenger eh.

Good Things Stop that Spot! Clearing Gel - Besides the scrumptious scent there is not much I would recommend here - I prefer to select something with tea tree oil when it comes to spots because the results are generally far better.

Boots Tea Tree + Witch Hazel Foaming Face Wash - It's like medicine for the skin - must be the tea tree eh. Skin feels taunt yet clean. And it's very gentle.

Boots Tea Tree + Witch Hazel Exfoliating Face Scrub - Exfoliation is like my favourite type of cleaning - it by far beats scrubbing loos. This one is fairly average really, not great, not awful, just average. It does what it is intended to - it exfoliates dammit! If you don't fancy any more from it then fab, if so then look elsewhere.

Boots Tea Tree + Witch Hazel Spot Wand - Hmmm, hmmm indeed. It's double-sided in that there is one side dedicated for day use, and the other for night. In my opinion neither work wonders. Aside from smelling like tea tree, and so giving the impression that it should do its thing, it has nothing else to offer, it's a bit of a tea tree scam really.

Carmex Classic Moisturising Lip Balm - Definitely remains a classic lip companion for moi. My lips tend to dislike flavoured lip balms so I have to avoid the cherry version and stick to the original. Some lip balms are further drying but this one soothes and conditions troubled, chapped lips, keeping them totally crack-free and replenished.

Clairol Herbal Essences Hello Hydration Moisture & Shine Shampoo and Conditioner - Here I refer to the separate products, not the 2-in-1 version - I may be busy but I shall always have enough time to shampoo and condition my hair independently, and I suggest you do the same. My hair is pretty dry thanks to extensive use of the best invention ever, that's a straightener folks, not a microwave, although a microwave does come pretty close. Leaves locks extremely silky and smooth, and is great nutrition for damaged hair, plus the coconut smell is oh so lovely.

Sanctuary Spa Escape Gift Set - Consists of five products - body wash, body scrub, body butter, hand cream and salt scrub. I was purchasing pressies for a friend's birthday and took advantage of the three-for-two offer in Boots, it meant I could treat myself to this little package. I do like Sanctuary products, they have this lavish and extravagant feel about them, and my body always feels valued after usage. I am not going to review them individually but as a whole they have the trademark Sanctuary smell, and the trademark Sanctuary pampering quality. Good stuff.

Dolce and Gabbana The One eau de parfum - A birthday gift a few years ago and has quickly become a signature date scent ever since. Men just seem to adore this perfume. It's sweet and feminine in a womanly way, very seductive, and not afraid to linger around for a while. Simply addictive. Plus I receive many compliments when I float around in it, oh and many queries too.


Lancôme Hypnôse eau de parfum - Hypnotising is the word that springs to mind. I was introduced to this by an ex buying it as a mother's day gift - best thing to come out of that relationship really! I remember catching a sniff of it and being so mesmorised that I just had to have it. It really is that special - alluring and enchanting, if Angelina Jolie were a fragrance this would be it.

Jean Paul Gaultier Madame eau de toilette - Another former birthday present which I had to replace. It's fun, fresh and fruity, very summery yet sweet but not in a sickly way. Truly heavenly.

Hugo Boss Orange eau de toilette - It's of the Madame variety (see directly above!) - I discovered it via a sample through the post and felt drawn to it instantly.

Paco Rabanne Ultraviolet eau de parfum - An ex used to wear this fragrance, the male version of course, and I thought it was stunning, so much so that I bought it for the dude I dated after - naughty? Maybe. I figured purchasing the female counterpart wouldn't be such a gamble seeing as I already had a positive verdict towards it. It's a more subtle variant of the male scent - sensual and light, quite powdery, not strong or distinctive enough for the evening but rather gentle for daytime wear. And the bottle is just so funky!

Tommy Hilfiger True Star eau de parfum - I figured this would be a safe purchase seeing as Mrs Jay-Z (that's Beyoncé by the way people) is fronting the perfume. It's quite disappointing really, the scent is very crisp and fresh but nothing new or extraordinary - what I would expect from Calvin Klein to be honest. Goes to show that celebs will attach their name to anything for a bit of cash really. If you desire something quite sporty then this is ideal but you can probably find similar smelling items at your local market for under a fiver.

Beauty splurges this month

Mac Studio Sculpt SPF 15 Foundation - Foundation lately has become rather problematic for me. I can't seem to find one that caters to my skin tone and type. I need something rather yellow shade-wise, and hydrating as my skin is mega dry and sensitive. The one in question here is quite awful. Well for my face anyway. This foundation is very creamy and mousse-like which means it is extremely difficult to apply and blend, for the most part it plainly refuses to and just stubbornly sits on the face. The effect is something really cakey and patchy. It clings to dry skin, ageing it in the process. The coverage isn't fab either, expect to be greeted to an uneven skin tone with blemishes clearly visible. Mac left me feeling absolutely disappointed with this disaster. Tut tut.

Mac Mineralize Satinfinish SPF 15 Foundation - Glides on easily and provides a smooth, velvety finish. The result is very natural yet dewy, healthy and youthful. Me likes. The only problem is that the coverage is quite light which means blemishes of all kinds still remain fairly unconcealed, cue: upside down smile. The quest for my ideal foundation still continues.

Mac Lip Conditioner SPF 15 - I had to reexperience this product as I recall fond memories from the first time round. It's not as extraordinary as I remember but still a very lavish treat for the lips - leaves them super soft and ultra moisturised, not to mention very kissable. And the hint of vanilla gives it a delectable smell, and oh how I love the smell of vanilla. Plus it's not just any old lip balm, guys it's a lip conditioner! Not quite sure what the difference is, if any, but it just sounds much fancier and like it does stuff that the ordinary lip balm cannot quite manage, not stuff like making you a cup of coffee in the morning or giving you a foot rub, stuff more lip-related. Think of it as a more qualified and educated lip balm.

Yves Saint Lauren Touche Eclat Radiant Touch - Everybody seems to rave about this product, it has a firm place in the beauty hall of fame, is meant to be a miracle for make-up artists and celebrities alike but unfortunately I can't quite seem to understand the hype. I really want to but I just can't. I must be the only person in the whole entire world whom this magic wand doesn't work on. At first I must admit I was applying it incorrectly, mistaking it for a concealer instead of the highlighter pen that it is, and I was relieved as it meant that there was a chance that it could still work. It is not to be administered directly on dark circles and such but rather around contours so that it reflects light from these areas, making the problem areas appear less prominent. Make sense? Just consider it as light trickery. Even so, this new application method failed to provide any considerable results. I didn't notice any improvements so am not quite sure what Touche Eclat does exactly. Maybe my permanent dark under-eye circles are just beyond help eh. I know this legendary product has a cult following but I won't be joining the fan club anytime soon.

Lancome Hypnose Mascara - Revlon's Fabulash is my regular mascara, and although I am completely satisfied with it I fancied a change and decided to experiment a little. Besides they say change is good. I felt a bit guilty and disloyal, like I was cheating on my trusty Fabulash but Hypnose doesn't compare to the former and makes a lousy mistress. Sure it separates and lengthens the lashes but to no impressive level. It definitely does not volumise though - thick lashes cannot be achieved here peeps. Ideal for a natural look, not so much for the likes of me whom like a dramatic, false-lash effect. Guys, if I wanted natural don't you think I would just skip the mascara altogether? I want sky-high glamorous eyelashes not the average ones this mascara has to offer.

Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream Skin Protectant - An exceptionally renowned product which I really don't want to slag off. Unfortunately, I am sorry to report that there was a marked deterioration in my skin after using this brown gel, probably as I was slathering on like half the tube in the hope for a complete skin transformation. It's not a moisturiser, it's more like a medicinal ointment, designed to treat a variety of skin irritations, including "symptoms of chapping, peeling or flaking due to minor burns, sunburn, windburn, scrapes, abrasions or cracked lips". I quote directly from the back of the tube here folks. It smells rather like Yon Ka Serum which I think is fab because I love the marvellous Yon Ka Serum. The gel is very sticky and greasy, so it's a good idea to apply the product just before hitting the sack, especially if the problem area happens to be your face, unless of course you fancy parading around with a mega oily mug. After my first night's application, I woke up to relatively softer and smoother skin but I continued slapping it on every night and perhaps this is where I went wrong as eventually my skin started to suffer from horrible breakouts, not sure if this was down to the oiliness of the product or due to the fact that my skin is majorly sensitive and I had some form of allergic reaction to it. However, I understand that Miss Arden's Skin Protectant should be used sparingly and occasionally, and of course on areas that actually require 'protecting'. In that case, why should I buy this when I can just nip to my local pharmacy and pick up an antiseptic cream, it's waaaaay cheaper and the effect is just the same. Just a thought.

Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream Intensive Daily Moisturizer for Face SPF 15 - This is the moisturiser equivalent of the Skin Protectant. Smells a bit like the exclusive Crème de la Mer which was a nice surprise. The product itself left my skin soft and glowing, it's fairly hydrating too and therefore provides a good base for makeup, but I guess I expect more from my moisturiser, there is nothing extra on offer here, for example most people want skincare that is anti-ageing or has firming properties or fights wrinkles, this claims to do nothing of the sort so I would rather go with something that does.

No7 Radiance Revealed Exfoliator - A lovely exfoliator that apparently contains natural fruit acids which help sweep away dull skin, brightening it in the process - the grains brush away dead skin cells from the surface, revealing the much brighter skin from underneath. Or so I think. Very true indeed though as this product left my skin soft and fresh.

No7 Purifying Sauna Mask - This clay-like mask heats on contact with water which is what the whole sauna thing is about. Although it targets impurities and blemishes, I feel the drying and tightening aspects of this mask are too harsh for my skin type.

No7 Heavenly Hydration Moisture Mask - This peach coloured whipped cream in a bottle just looks soooo yum. Spread it on and instantly it provides a hydrating quality as well as a feeling of being pampered. Skin is left baby soft. It's a fab treat for tired, thirsty skin - uplifting, invigorating and renewing.

Organix Vanilla Silk Shampoo and Conditioner - Not a two-in-one by the way. I hate two-in-ones, I don't think they provide the same quality that shampoo and conditioners separately would. I am always in hair heaven with Organix, in fact my hair actually thanks me for this indulgence. Organix leaves hair feeling incredibly soft, shiny and silky. What more could you honestly want from your shampoo and conditioner? The result is healthy, glossy, shampoo advert hair And the smell of this product is simply gorgeous. Hair food at its best I claim and you can most certainly quote me on that.

Sarah Jessica Parker Covet eau de parfum spray - I wanted a relatively inexpensive scent for those long working days and this is what fate had in store. SJP is a hu-uge style icon, I mean the woman has such impeccable taste, plus her first fragrance was a complete winner so how could I ever really doubt something created by her Midas touch? There is an abundance of positive reviews about this scent so without being fazed by the scary green concoction I took the plunge and ordered it without batting an eyelid - oh I know, I'm such a daredevil. At first whiff the perfume had a light powdery quality to it which then evolved into some strong repulsive grass-like stench. So much so that I honestly believed that somebody behind me on the bus sneezed because SJP's handiwork had triggered their hayfever. Miss Parker, if I wish to smell like grass then I shall roll around fervently in a field. Am not impressed. At all. Great for nature-lovers, not so much for those that expect their fragrance to smell, let's say, nice. Sorry, is that too great an expectation? Never ever buy perfume that is green. Simple rule really.

Givenchy Very Irresistible Summer Cocktail eau de toilette spray - I have liked Givenchy's original Very Irresistible ever since I received it as a gift very many years ago. It's not exactly a firm favourite but its seductive rose-like scent is something I turn to whenever I fancy an elegant change. The perfume is powerful, commands attention, doesn't fade away and smells swanky so I figured what with summer fast approaching its season appropriate version should be a ideal investment. Summer cocktail - you expect it to be fun, fruity and fresh - I imagined it would smell exactly like if it were to rain Skittles. Oh how amazing it would be if it actually rained Skittles. However the result here is more amateur barman experimenting with random ingredients. There are probably too many aromas at play here. Overall it has a dominant spicy, wood-like scent, not something I would at all associate with summer. Very misleading indeed Givenchy, you cunning charlatans!

* Please note: I am not overpaid, in fact I earn peanuts, I can understand how many may assume from this post that I take home a big, fat wage packet at the end of each month but the truth is that my salary is extremely humble, I am just a sucker for beauty products, and very extravagant and reckless, read: absolutely crap with money.