Confessions of a Killer Part 2

Forgive me for I have become quite like a dog with a bone in relation to this whole O.J. uncovering the truth malarkey. That and I just realised that I compared myself to a dog. Anyway, I don't mean to sound all strict and bossy but you must, must, must skim through Part 1 first otherwise the contents of this post will have you all confuzzled and 'what the hell?', and you will neither understand nor appreciate fully my very recent O.J. infatutation, but if you do scan through Part 1 like I am furiously advising you to, well, then all shall become clear, and the world will be a better place. Okay, the last bit is a lie but still, rebel at your own peril, in fact I dare you to, go on.

So to continue...

O.J.'s biased account had whet my appetite but not fully satisfied it. Then I landed on 'How I Helped O.J. Get Away With Murder', written by some dude called Mike Gilbert, O.J.'s "sports agent, business advisor, and trusted confidant". Hmmm, not sure he grasped the the last bit well though, what with his revealing story and everything, I bet O.J. would agree with me there too. Yes I know practically everybody has cashed in on the O.J. saga by publishing a book of some sort at some point, even like the old man who lives down the bottom of my road, and my next-door neighbour's goldfish but I felt this Gilbert character might have something more substantial to reveal and so I got sucked into his tale. Please note, I am not at all knocking the goldfish, in fact a goldfish penning a book - that there is pure talent - somebody get the goldfish an agent already.

Gilbert's exposé more or less begins where O.J.'s left off which is pretty convenient and handy for me really, it's like some sort of a sequel. We get a close look at the ever fascinating trial from the eyes of a man at the heart of it. He views the book as a means through which to "atone for his sins", a way in which to repent for all the deceit he found himself embroiled in which heavily included "creating smokescreens". It is also an apology to both Nicole, Goldman and their respective families, not only for aiding O.J. "get away with murder" but also for failing to defend Nicole during all the physical abuse, for turning a blind eye, and for not once intervening.

Gilbert insists that before 'that night' they had all been "people you might have liked", that they "weren't evil, stupid or crazy", refusing to judge O.J. by what he believes was "the worst day of his life" but being utterly ashamed of the man he became after it. O.J. had been Gilbert's childhood hero and idol you see so the downward spiral he embarked upon after the trial naturally left Gilbert thoroughly disappointed and quickly losing respect for "the god of flight" who was thought to have been "larger than life, bigger than celebrity" prior to the altercation.

Not once does Gilbert paint O.J. as a monster, he is always depicted as "gracious, kind, warm, funny, and dignified", and although Gilbert maintains that Nicole suffered from physical abuse at the hands of her husband, he recalls moments where he was also "very warm, sympathetic, and empathetic" towards her, like the instance when his ex-wife phoned him because she was struggling to come to terms with the whole ageing process, apparently O.J. had been nothing but "sweet and kind", extremely reassuring and "encouraging", helping to boost her self-confidence and self-esteem. Gilbert also mentions Nicole's affair and insinuates that she wasn't all that saintly. However, ultimately nothing really excuses a man raising his hands, or fists even, to a woman. Gilbert agrees with much of what O.J. divulged about his ex-wife - that she was rather "angry and flustered". Nicole supposedly had issues with anybody who worked closely with O.J., treating them "dismissively and sometimes even with hostility", Gilbert recalls an occassion where she once even punched O.J.'s housekeeper just because her "mere presence" annoyed her - something O.J. also discussed in his memoirs. Although his account further corresponds with that of his former friend's when he admits that Nicole practically stalked O.J. after their separation, O.J. is contradicted when Gilbert asserts that prior to her death Nicole's attitude had changed, that she managed a complete u-turn and shunned O.J., choosing to party with her friend Faye rather than chase him like she used to - this is what apparently what angered O.J., the possibility that Nicole was finally over him and no longer needed him in her life. I guess here is strongly a case of 'it takes two', with both parties being guilty, with both displaying unreasonable behaviour, but with only one surpassing it significantly, and dangerously taking it a step or three too far.

The dynamics of O.J. and Nicole's relationship however are not majorly important here, this book boasts revelations, and revelations are what Gilbert is intent on providing, disclosing the deception and juicy antics that cultivated throughout the entire trial. The dirty tactics and level of deceit employed on O.J.'s behalf by his representatives are truly shocking at times, like insisting that O.J.'s blood was planted on the crime scene by Fuhrman, a 'racist' cop. Gilbert comes clean and confesses that Fuhrman was in fact "out of all the cops involved in the case... by far the best... was awake, alert - overall an excellent detective". And therefore sadly a huge threat to the defence team. Even O.J. himself confided that Fuhrman was a "damn good cop" and a "good witness". They set about finding a way to destroy his character, and luckily got hold of tapes where he had used racist language, using it to their advantage to present their case. Admittedly it was fair game, it's not like they had blackmailed him into spewing racist slurs but Fuhrman became entangled in controversy and was highly condemned as a result. They, it seems, had no qualms about destroying his reputation - 'all's fair in love and war' after all. The most outrageous secret that Gilbert reveals is the mystery of the shrinking glove - the suggestion that O.J. lay off his arthritis medicine for a while as this would cause his hands to swell, and in turn mean that that incriminating glove would fail to fit - this "iconic moment of the trial" was engineered by Gilbert himself and is the key to just how exactly he "helped O.J. get away with murder". They obviously weren't big on morality but then again we are talking about a man who violently slayed two people, I imagine morality probably was never a strong concern to begin with. Hey, don't get me wrong, I am not naïve, I understand that's the nature of the game, the defence crew have been hired to do a job, it's a courtroom not a church, righteousness won't pay the bills and put food on the table, all I am simply doing is relaying the events of the book as they stand.

Gilbert also mentions a somewhat confession from O.J. even though he maintained to all, including those closest to him, that he was intensely innocent - "I did go there that night, but I didn't take a knife... Nicole opened the door with a knife in her hand... if she hadn't opened that door with a knife in her hand, Mike, she'd still be alive". Chilling. Oh and by the way O.J., that's no real excuse. This version of events, you will find, differs to that of the one in 'If I Did It' where the knife was O.J.'s, not Nicole's. Either way he was confessing to the murders, so why would he lie about the owner of the knife? Does it really make a difference? Weird. Gilbert further believes that O.J. was "drugged-out" on Prozac during that time period, that leading up to the days before the murders he had been distinctly "vacant" and "incoherent" which is why he probably refused to accept his responsibility for the double homocide - "If O.J. had committed these murders while on Prozac, he would remember it like a dream, like something outside of himself, like something he saw from above, like an out-of-body experience. He would see it as something somebody else did, not him. It's there in some form in his mind, but not as true memory. It's called disassociative state". This theory vastly matches O.J.'s confused frame of mind in the hypothetical confession of 'If I Did It'. Does that mean he was indeed mentally fragile? Does that excuse his crime? Does that no longer make him a murderer?

What follows post trial is the death of celebrity, Gilbert narrates O.J.'s disgraceful downfall and financial ruin, as well his contempt for the dishonorable and degrading person his idol became as a result. It makes for a riveting read but is also quite sad at the same time, I even felt both sympathy and pity for O.J. at this point, I don't know why but it is quite upsetting reading about somebody losing all they have known - fame, fortune, friends. No, I haven't forgotten the cold-blooded murders, and yes, maybe I am just a soft touch. Desperate and off the rails, O.J. became a mere shadow of his former self. The trial was a Pyrrhic victory for him, a victory that came at such a great cost, something he continued paying for well and truly the rest of his life.

Gilbert is extremely self-deprecating which eventually begins to grate on you. He is continuously remorseful and apologetic that it becomes tiresome, it's like okay we get it Gilbert, you are sorry, enough about you now, more about O.J. please. Overall though the book is helpful in confirming various aspects of 'If I Did It', like Nicole's temperament and behaviour, although the motivation behind the crime still remains unclear with contrasting explanations from both Gilbert and O.J. - it's difficult to know which version to believe. I don't buy the whole 'guilty conscience urging him to put things straight' scenario though, maybe if he didn't keep mentioning it every other sentence it may have come across as more genuine but here it becomes a strong case of 'thou dost protest too much'. Gilbert is to be thanked for some of what he imparts upon us though, he has assisted me in assembling together a few more pieces of the puzzle.

Until next time, take care and keep it real folks. Much love. Mwah.

Confessions of a Killer Part 1

It is astounding how little it often takes for something to trigger just a sliver of interest or curiosity in me. There I was flicking through a copy of Heat and what did I stumble across, a holiday photo of the Kardashians from many years ago, posing with a shirking O.J. and Nicole Brown, taken just a mere week or so before her death. Or should I say murder. I was like hey, I remember him, and that was all it took people, and from then on my obsession seems to have spiralled out of control.

I was around twelve at the time of the murders, maybe too young to have genuinely cared about the whole incident. That and I wasn't American so it didn't really affect me either. I mean I didn't even know who O.J. was, I understood he was a sports personality of some sort but had no clue as to just how huge of a celebrity and icon he was or the extent to which he was worshipped and adored throughout his nation. David murdering Vicki Becks would be like the modern equivalent. I vaguely remember my dad glued to the 'Trial of the Century', and can only really recall brief excerpts from what was televised, and even then those excerpts are hazy and insufficient. I knew that the general consensus was that he was blatantly guilty, and that there was much evidence that collaborated with this opinion, including something about blood and what not but despite all this he had ultimately been acquitted.

It was more than apparent that my knowledge was limited on the whole matter and so I turned towards Google to help fill me in on the actual facts. All the information I found was overwhelming, I was completely astonished at just how scarce I had known to start with, and I could clearly see how it was a trial that had everybody gripped, I mean it had me gripped and this too fifteen years later. I will not get into the specifics, most people either know or have a means through which to do so. I found this site very handy. Pretty much everything from a to z is presented here, and in much detail too. I was shocked to learn that it wasn't just Nicole that was murdered that evening, and that the evidence found extended beyond just a little blood here and there - all the evidence found, and believe me there was plenty, was without a shadow of a doubt wholly damning, and yet somehow, thanks to his 'dream team', O.J. managed to get off the hook. I couldn't comprehend how this could have been feasible, everything had acutely pointed towards the defendant, were the jury just a bunch of dense dimwits or was there something I was missing, maybe O.J. was innocent after all. My take on it all was fresh and I just didn't know what to believe.

The prosecution depicted O.J. as a jealous and raging ex-husband who struggled to come to terms with the fact that Nicole was moving on with her life, apparently he couldn't handle the thought of her with other men, this had been the proposed motive, a crime of passion they suggested. He naturally rejected the idea as absurd, and to be honest I wasn't actually all that sold, I imagine O.J. could have had his pick of women, he supposedly had a girlfriend at that moment in time too, I couldn't quite picture him as an infatuated psycho who was utterly consumed with his ex-wife, it just refused to fit the bill. At this point it was obvious O.J. had committed the murders but I wanted to know why. What drives a rich and successful celebrity to potentially throw away all that they have worked so hard for their entire life in a moment of madness? What had not only taken him right to the edge but had also completely pushed him over it? What did truly transpire that fateful night? I had so many questions, and that's when I spotted something that I thought may help shed light on the subject - 'If I Did It'.

It is an account straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak. O.J. penned this autobiographical text in which he volunteered a hypothetical scenario of the murders, you know, like a 'I didn't do it but if I did then here's how it probably would've happened'. You what?! I know, it's just plain ker-razy, in fact it's way off the ker-razy meter. But that's right, here he was submitting an insight into that infamous night of homocide whilst cashing in on his notoriety at the same time. Needless to say the public were disgusted and the high level of criticism received meant the book was withdrawn. However, the majority considered it a confession of his guilt. O.J. was later found liable for the wrongful death of Goldman and battery against Brown in a civil trial, and ordered to pay an impossibly large sum to the Goldman family in damages, blah blah blah, which they failed to collect, blah blah blah, and so the rights of this book were handed over to the Goldman family as compensation. Yes, they re-packaged it with a prologue and afterword but the main text remains unaltered and true to what O.J. had dictated and verified.

So what do I honestly make of it? In the words of the man himself, it "is a love story, too. And, like a lot of love stories, it doesn't have a happy ending". I knew from the onset that the source lacked the reliability factor but I still wanted to acknowlege his version of events. Yes, he glosses over the domestic abuse and paints himself as a patient and understanding husband, revealing his growing concern for Nicole's erratic and wild behaviour, and although I feel characters are slightly manipulated and exaggerated here, like a caricature version of themselves, there is also an element of truth underneath there somewhere too. O.J. elaborately discusses the passionate and tempestuous relationship he shared with Nicole which makes for an enthralling read. Although people firmly regard this a means through which to ease his guilty conscience, I don't think it was intended to be a confession at all, it's not a 'if I did it' but more of a 'why I did it', an explanation of some sort. I understand O.J. was probably furious at being portrayed as a bully and wife-beater by the media, that his once charistmastic and charming image had been tarnished, and I expect he wanted to put things right, to tell the world that Nicole herself was no angel - I presume this part fact, part fiction concoction was his key to redemption.

Nicole is illustrated as troubled, confused and difficult, showing strong signs of some form of personality disorder. I know this is O.J.'s personal interpretation and cannot be heavily credited but I feel aspects of his accounts are genuine and highlight the real Nicole. He mentions an infidelity on her part, and admits the separation was her decision, something he had not been keen on but supported as "she was adamant: she wanted to take a break from the marriage". Apparently the separation had been about "finding herself", O.J. claims he pursued her during their break, "determined to make it work", but ultimately knew the marriage was over and "it was time to move on" when his estranged wife confessed she had met a guy she was "pretty crazy about", he insists he never once romantically sought after her following this revelation.

It is when O.J. stops chasing her and starts to focus on his own love life, that Nicole becomes desperate and needy, bombarding him with "more and more frequent, even obsessive" phone calls, we are told her behaviour begins to interfere with his new relationship. There are various 'admissions' from Nicole throughout the text where she assumes full responsibility for the failure of their relationship, explaining she had become "so unhappy and so bitchy", that depression and loss of self-confidence had all been underlying factors to the demise of their marriage. O.J. is quick to imply that Nicole is solely to blame, indirectly of course. Not buying it O.J. - sure I can see how Nicole contributed to many of the problems and rifts but I can't see him quite as innocent as he would like us to believe. Nice try though.

It is shortly after their divorce is finalised that Nicole openly expresses her continued love for her ex-husband, persisting that she has "come a long way in therapy", that she has "changed", and manages to coerce him to give their relationship another final attempt, this is done on a year long trial basis. Nicole fails to successfully suppress her volatile personality during this period. If O.J. is frank and forthright in his description of Nicole here then it is quite simply disturbing and scary, especially the chapter titled 'The Two Nicoles'. She is portrayed as an unreasonable and demanding dragon of a woman. It is here that I actually began to sympathise with O.J. I know I can't just simply take his word for it but it does seem that Nicole was anything but a piece of cake. O.J. also remarks that Nicole was partying with the wrong crowd and possibly getting embroiled in the world of drugs - this, he feels, would explain her unpredictable mood swings. He further insinuates that the double murder could have been drugs-related. Of course he is trying to pass the buck here but it doesn't for a second mean she wasn't involved with illegal substances and associated with poor company.

By this point it was determined that whatever relationship they had was well and truly over for good, Nicole felt they hadn't "tried harder", that they "could have done better", she was still crazy about her ex-husband but he desperately wanted to distance himself from her yet was unable to because "if you've got kids, you're stuck with that person for the rest of your life". O.J. apparently grew increasingly concerned about Nicole's deteriorating behaviour and the effect this would consequently have on his kids. Yes there is no justification for murder but I feel this is partly was caused O.J. to snap, from what I gather he was trapped, Nicole was a whirlwind of crazy that he just couldn't control, he "was sick of dealing with Nicole's crap" and tired of getting"drawn into Nicole's bullshit and drama". The prospect of living the rest of his life this way probably took him right to that edge, and something that he witnessed that night when paying his ex-wife a visit probably pushed him completely over it. This of course is only my opinion based on how I have perceived his memoirs. O.J. declared "I wasn't going to let her take me down with her", she had become the root of all his problems, something he had to eliminate. I mean I don't believe for a second that he had planned the slaughter, something had to have provoked him that night but in hindsight I could envision how murdering her would have been the ideal solution to all his predicaments. Goldman on the other hand was just a case of wrong person at the wrong time.

The supposed 'confession' itself is very strange, I really do not know what to make of this hypothetical "night in question", even O.J. himself had no idea, labelling it "a very bad dream". He is rather generous with information yet stingy with it all at the same time. What we do digest is that he was already in a "lousy mood" due to further rumours about Nicole and her reckless lifestyle, and fuming that she "was making everything as difficult as possible" for him, especially in relation to access concerning the kids. Along with his companion, Charlie, he decides to "scare the shit out that girl", insisting that his intention had been to just "talk to the girl" - "I'm tired of being the understanding ex-husband. I have my kids to think about... this shit's been eating away at me forever, and it's got to stop. I want to get on with my fucking life. I've got to get this under control".

He approaches Nicole's property, and is furious to find "candles burning inside" and "faint music playing", "it was obvious Nicole was expecting company. I wondered who the fuck it was this time. I wondered if maybe Faye was coming over with some of her toy-boys so they could all get wild and dirty while my kids were sleeping upstairs". O.J. is "seriously steamed" at this point, and then who should happen to step up on the scene - that's right, Goldman, who allegedly "came by to return a pair of glasses" that Nicole's mother had earlier left at a restaurant he worked at as a waiter. O.J. brands him a "fucking liar", convinced that Goldman is not only the lover Nicole is awaiting but is in addition also here "delivering drugs" , she steps out in "a slinky little cocktail dress" which doesn't help matters any further. 'Charlie', whom I assume upon hearing all the commotion, comes rushing to the scene, conveniently with a knife in hand. O.J. and Nicole exchange heated words, she feels it is her house and she is allowed to do as she wishes, he demands not in front of the children, she comes flying at him "like a banshee, all arms and legs, flailing", loses balance and takes a pretty rough fall, "her head hitting the ground". Goldman meanwhile assumes O.J. is about to take a swipe at him and gets into a "little karate stance", "circling me, bobbing and weaving" he recalls. This angers O.J. to the point of no return, he grabs the knife from Charlie's hand and taunts Goldman "show me how tough you are".

He offers little detail on the actual physical violence, there is no gruesome description of the murders here, instead he explains "then something went horribly wrong, and I know what happened, but I can't tell you exactly how...I put my left hand to my heart and my shirt felt strangely wet... the whole front of me was covered in blood, but it didn't compute. Is this really blood? I wondered. And whose blood is it? Is it mine? Am I hurt? I was more confused than ever... I had never seen so much blood in my life. It didn't seem real, and none of it computed. What the fuck happened here? Who had done this? And why? And where was I when this shit went down?". Had he been possessed or was he just in major case of denial? Charlie, throughout the entire episode is the voice of reason, trying to urge O.J. away from the scene before he regrets anything (he was obviously unsuccessful at the task, flat out failed miserably some may even add), many doubt Charlie's authenticity, he would have come forth by now if he truly existed. I honestly don't know what I make of this Charlie character and the role he plays, was he just O.J.'s conscience, why did he even feel the need to create an accomplice?

What makes this chapter truly bizarre is that prior to it O.J. is unrelenting of his innocence, then along comes this section in which he strongly hints at his guilt but as soon as the chapter ends he quickly reverts back to maintaining his innocence. It's all very 'I didn't do it, okay, I may have done it, nope, I really didn't do it'. Does he even know himself?! I wonder if he was under the influence of any substances that evening because it seems viable and would explain his incoherent frame of mind.

I figured 'If I Did It' would answer all my questions but instead it just raises a whole set of new ones. It ends at his arrest and is therefore cut short, unfortunately we don't get his take on the trial which is a shame because that would have been nothing short of compelling. I guess I would say I am absolutely, ninety-nine percent convinced that the man is indeed guilty as there is far too much vital evidence to dismiss, including his odd 'confession' but there is that slight one percent that still bugs me. I guess I will never know what really happened but then I suppose the one-time legend and sporting hero doesn't know either.

I cannot rest until I study and investigate this further so stay tuned folks. I did say it had become an obsession, think of it as my new project.

P.S. I will never fully understand how one human being can just stab another in a very nonchalant manner. Okay so murder itself is undeniably pretty horrific but if the weapon is a gun at least I can get my head around it, you pull the trigger and shoot, it is rather like using any regular piece of technology. A knife however, that requires a physical motion, it requires great impact, it would take a complete beast to pick up a knife and furiously jab it into the flesh of a living being so that it is fatal enough to penetrate deep through the skin and into vital organs. It just makes me shudder, I mean I feel uneasy just holding a knife to cut vegetables. O.J. inflicted multiple deep wounds to his victims, it was not merely a case of 'oh my hand just slipped', he made certain that he mutilated them plentiful so that there was no chance of survival on their part, whether this was deliberate or just an manic act we shall never know. Either way there is no justification for the extent of violence he dispensed. A comphrehensive account of his deranged frenzy is offered here - beware, it is both disgusting and disturbing.

Playing God

Theme Hospital - it may not compete in the league of big cats such as Grand Theft Auto or Call of Duty, it may choose to dwell in the realm of the unknown, lingering well below the radar, shying away from popularity maps, however addictive and entertaining it most certainly is, and this cannot be denied. It is not massively technical or huge on graphics but maybe its charm lies in its simplicity.

How did I discover such an anonymous gem I hear one ask? Good question indeed. I mean I'm no longer as keen on gaming as I used to be in my teens and early twenties, I was pretty much a Playstation addict then, and no matter what, at heart, I shall always remain a Playstation chick, no Xbox or Wii can ever tempt me, PS is truly where it's at. I first crossed paths with Theme Hospital way back in the day, it formed part of a games bundle that I received with my new computer. Now I'm not into pc games so I just tossed it aside, besides it couldn't even begin to compare with the better of the bunch like Need for Speed and Fifa - it just looked quite cheap and vapid in relation to them.

Anyway, so one day, out of boredom, or possibly curiosity, who knows, I picked up this odd looking game and stuck it in the cd slot (sounds rather sexual I know), and found myself pleasantly surprised. So here I am many years later, my memory of the long forgotten Theme Hospital suddenly awakened, realising that I had two weeks off work to recover from my surgery (a post on that should appear pretty soon folks) I decided to order myself a copy of the game so that we could get reacquainted. It is exactly the kind of game you want to play when you are feeling pretty down in the dumps and bleurgh to the max because it's nothing too aggressive, active or intense. For the most part you can plod along at your own pace. The game was an absolute bargain by the way, it is hardly in demand after all, I imagine ninety-nine percent of the population haven't even heard of it and are unaware of its existence. If Theme Hospital were a person, I expect they would be highly suicidal at the moment, ready to jump off a bridge or sling themselves in front of a moving train.

So about the game then. The general idea is creating a hospital from scratch. Yes, I know it doesn't sound very exciting but you are basically given a plot of land and from then on pretty much all decisions are in your hands (muah-ha-ha! That's an evil laugh by the way, just in case you didn't realise) - you must build suitable rooms within the 'hospital' and employ appropriate and able staff. You move towards the next level once you fulfil the success criteria for the current level - this is usually the bank balance, reputation, hospital worth, cure count and percentage of patients cured. You must satisfy both staff and patients, this means staff should be kept well-rested and well-paid whereas patients should be greeted with a warm and clean environment with plenty of amenities on offer such as seating, toilets and drinks machines. Rooms fall under four categories: diagnosis, treatment, clinics and facilities - more advanced rooms/equipment become available as you proceed within the game, or rather as your research progresses. You can also expand your hospital by acquiring further plots of land.

There are several testing factors thrown in for good measure - earthquakes which damage equipment, epidemics which must be either declared or tackled efficiently otherwise both your bank balance and reputation will take a hit, sometimes there are only incompetent junior doctors available who must then be trained by a consultant in order to specialise as a psychiatrist, researcher or surgeon, there may be medical emergencies with bonuses on offer where a number of patients with the same condition must be treated within a time limit should you accept the challenge, those that you fail to treat within the specified time automatically die. There is also a regular VIP inspector who expresses to visit (read: inspect) the hospital from time to time, if they are impressed with the state of your establishment a cash sum is awarded and your reputation increases.

The only thing you can't control within the game are the actions of the patients. Although, you can move their order in queues and you ultimately have the ability to eject them from your hospital, a good move if they are on their deathbed with no cure in sight (yes it's mean but you ain't no Mother Teresa, this is strictly about money and reputation folks, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen - wow, I had no idea I could be so ruthless and business-minded). Other than that patients are rather like children and pets - no, not cute and adorable, I meant highly unpredictable. Staff can be more easily manipulated - hired and fired as you see fit, moved from room to room as required, you can even get handymen to prioritise their duties. Keeping your hospital in great condition, tending to all its needs, handling all dilemmas effectively whilst constantly striving to improve and update should help you complete each level. After the success criteria have been met, you receive a letter offering you a better position with better pay at a more demanding hospital. At the same time, if you falter and stray too far from this very same success criteria, for example if your reputation hits an all time low or your bank balance finds itself too far gone in the minus zone then it is game over and you have to restart the same level again. Gameplay and rules are the same for each level, and yes it can get fairly repetitive. It is a game that you can quickly get obsessed with and just as quickly grow tired of. After all, building the same rooms, hiring the same staff, treating the same illnesses hospital after hospital can become very monotonous. It is a refreshing concept at first but soon becomes considerably tedious and yawn-ish. The term 'it was good while it lasted' can be applied here. Once it gets to this stage, put it down, step away from it, let it collect dust and rediscover it again a few months down the line, the novelty doesn't wear away pemanently.

This is becoming a long-winded review which is not at all what I had intended. I wanted to illustrate that the primary appeal of this game is that the player can assume a powerful omnipresent role, and like they say, with great power comes great responsibility. I gather the game is a great representation of the man above as an architect of the universe - I presume he too screams profanities when natural disasters like earthquakes target his handiwork, or when epidemics cause the demise of his creation.

So if you quite fancy your managerial skills, or would like to feed your ego, if you want to exercise complete control, or flaunt your authority, if you reckon making decsions are your forte, or just simply want to play God à la 'Bruce Almighty' then this little treasure should be right up your street.

Old Skool Gems

They don't make them like they used to. And yes, I know, it makes me sound like a disgruntled OAP at the bus stop but it's true. It's all 'High School Musical' and 'Hannah bloody Montana' these days, all about who's most popular and who's rocking the shiniest pearly whites. Nothing at all like the programmes I was blessed with as a child, programmes which were innocent at heart and had a cute message to convey. I write this, not because I'm an alarmed and upset parent who is easily offended by practically everything, I am not a parent at all actually, in the sense that I presently have no children, I stress the word 'presently' as I am not anti-children and hope that they will come along when the occasion demands it, yes, my biological clock has quite possibly starting ticking, loudly, yet not loud enough be heard over screaming, tantrumy kids but it takes two to procreate, well through natural means anyway so I shall wait until he appears first because the idea of going it alone has never really appealed to me nor has ever honestly crossed my mind.

This post originated roughly after the time I was found to be commemorating 'Care bears' on Facebook. How, one might ask? Oh by spreading the 'Care Bears' love. Makes me sound rather like a somewhat 'Care Bears' Angel, you know, like their own personal, loyal and dedicated messenger and all that but not one to lie or glorify, all I was really doing was randomly posting a picture of 'Care Bears' on the walls of others. Why, one might ask? Ah, a that question indicates that one does not know me well enough at all - you ask like I'm going to provide a sensible answer, c'mon dude, like there's ever any logic or reason behind anything I say or do.

'Care Bears', for those that are unfamiliar all I got to say is that the title itself is pretty self-explanatory, nothing too complicated at play here, they are bears that er, care! They live amongst clouds and rainbows, and their sole purpose in life is to care - that is to bring about comfort and happiness to those that are found to be distressed. Doesn't it already just give you a warm, fuzzy feeling inside? 'Care Bears' have a symbol on their belly which represents their character, a bit like the seven dwarfs, except they didn't have symbols on their tummies but what I mean is that they are similar in the sense that each is assigned a specific personality so each bear is therefore efficiently adapted for each situation. Apart from Grumpy Bear whom I didn't like very much, I felt he let the side down, and I know it's rather mean but he could well have been easily or accidentally omitted. Each episode these soft, cuddly bears would look down from the sky above and spot a troubled human, and make it their duty to unconditionally resolve the predicament that the individual was plagued with, and of course there would naturally be villains along the way to hinder the bears from achieving their mission. Simple formula really. And a simple message of love, good cheer and humanity. I remember the 'Care Bears' sticker album I had as a child, probably the only thing I have collected my whole lifetime, well, besides shoes and shotglasses. And the 'Care Bears' storybook that I read religiously, never once growing tired of it, always fresh and new. Ah, *sighs* memories.

♫ Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street? ♫ 'Sesame Street' was legendary. Puppets, music and educational material, what more seriously could a child desire? Or even an adult for that matter. 'Sesame Street' was genius. Every midday after nursery I would plonk myself in front of this utter brilliance whilst hungrily wolfing down my fish fingers, potato waffles, chicken nuggets and beans. And the characters were just fabulous - the cute, adorable Elmo who went on to become an A-list celeb, he has been missing from the circuit for a while now which makes me fear that perhaps fame went to his head, maybe there were a few kiss-and-tells, and that he is quite possibly currently booked into rehab for some terrible drug and alcohol addiction; roommates Bert and Ernie whom I hope have now stopped suppressing their feelings, have given in to the sexual tension and are residing as homosexual lovers in some remote country cottage; Cookie Monster and his mad obsession for the biscuity snack, I hope he has found solace as some sort of cookie baron on some cookie inspired island; and let's not forget Oscar the Grouch who lived in a trash can, no programme is complete without the token grumpy guy, I like to believe Oscar returned to Grouchland post 'Sesame Street', it's where his heart truly belonged. As I have grown from a preschooler to just two years short of the flirty thirties, I have noticed that the puppets I had plenty of lunch dates with have grown up too, many of them made guest-appearances on the funniest show ever, even funnier than 'Friends', that's 'Scrubs' by the way folks, not too long ago and it was a reunion of some form, the faces were familiar but their innocence no longer remained. 'The Muppet Show' was another of my favourites, I include it here as it was similar to 'Sesame Street' to the extent where the puppeteers were shared, flitting between both programmes. And Kermit the Frog, the central character of 'The Muppet Show' was also a regular in 'Sesame Street'. It always confused me as a child, like how there were two identical Kermits in two different shows. Oh and 'The Muppet Show' also showered us with the immortal cuss that is 'Miss Piggy'.

'Scooby-Doo' which thankfully later morphed into 'Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo' was probably where my vast interest in the paranormal and horror movies stemmed from. It revolved around a bunch of five characters who tried to resolve mysteries, mysteries cleverly manipulated by the villain of that episode - there was never anything remotely spooky in nature involved, it was just a smoke-screen created by the deceiver. I never really cared much for Scooby-Doo or Shaggy, their cowardly characters never appealed to me, and the latter had an tramp-like element to him, he was in dire need of a makeover. It was cute yet fiery Scrappy-Doo that I adored, such personality, such bravery. And the lovely 'I would've got away with it if it wasn't for you pesky kids' declaration from the villain upon being exposed. I should mention 'The Real Ghostbusters' here too, as it follows the paranormal theme, and has a similar setup to 'Scooby-Doo' in that it features a team of ghost investigators/exterminators.

Captain Planet of 'Captain Planet and the Planeteers' fame was, is, and shall always be my favourite superhero. Superman doesn't hold a torch to him. It's fair to say that yes, I do have a bit of a crush on the mighty guy. Captain Planet, in my eyes, is most probably the pinnacle of the ideal man - have you seen his physique?! It doesn't just stop there though my friends, for Captain Planet is all about the planet - such a sensitive soul, so considerate and caring. 'Captain Planet and the Planeteers' educated its viewers on the environment, with each episode dealing with an environmental related disaster be it pollution or toxic waste. The Planeteers were five peeps each gifted with an elemental ring - earth, fire, wind, water, and heart - yes, I know it sounds weird but bear with me please! Power from the five rings combined would summon my dream hunk, that was pretty much the general idea. There were, as expected, villains along the way that the Planeteers had to overcome in order to save the environment, villains who represented various ecological disasters. Okay, so it may come across as a lame-ass superhero show to you but watch it and you'll be hooked. I recently even signed an online petition to bring back Captain Planet, and I urge you to do the same, in a world forever hounded with natural disasters we need an underrated green-blue combination of a figure. And it helps that he's easy on the eye. Very much so. *drools*.

'ThunderCats', not to be mistakened with 'Thunderbirds' which my mother did one rainy occassion, which in turn led to a catastrophe of enormous proportions, something that is etched permanently in my memory, and must stay only there, it must never find release - 'ThunderCats', another childhood favourite, even though I must confess that I hardly remember much of it in terms of plot and such. I vaguely recall a bunch of cat-like creatures, and something about a magical sword, it was a bit 'He-Man'-esque really. Oh and loads of scary looking mutant monster things. And Mumm-Ra, the arch nemesis and decayed Egyptian mummy who was gifted in dark arts and was completely indestructible. 'Thundercats' was all about action sequences, lots of flying through the air fighting fun, all that was required to keep a youngster entertained really.

'Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles', who later evolved into 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles', no idea how or why, were four crime-fighting er, turtles who were aided in their purpose by Splinter, the master or brains behind the entire operation, and April who was not of the mutated animal variety in that she was completely human, and the crush of many young boys no doubt. There was something about Splinter that I just didn't like, maybe it was the whole giant rat-like aspect but he made me very uneasy, and I would watch each episode eagerly waiting for him to somehow be exposed as the baddie, which never happened. I thought it was trickery perhaps, that he had taken the turtles under his wing as a means of deception to destroy them, that this would be unmasked any day soon but alas, to my disappointment it was Shredder that remained the main enemy. I still to this day believe my theory on Splinter. It's just a matter of time before it's unearthed. You'll see.

'Rude Dog and the Dweebs' was a ghetto cartoon. I loved the little yellow dweeb, he was so sweet! Rude Dog himself was a bit of a gangster, and the dweebs were a bunch of awkward-looking dogs whom he had somewhat adopted, they were rather intelligently challenged, often tricked by Seymour the alleycat until Rude Dog came along with his street-savvy knowledge to save the day. Bless them, the gullible wimps. There were also some dog-catchers thrown in for good measure, out to capture the dweebs, not always cleverly evaded however Rude Dog was always on hand to rescue them. He had a good heart that one.

And that's a brief insight into the visual entertainment that graced my television set as a child. Wow, it's been great fun reliving these classics, and it makes me realise that kids in this day and age are deprived really - they truly don't make them like they used to.