Wow, it has been hot for the past few weeks, and I mean real HOT, not like the eighteen degrees high we usually have to make do with, nope, I'm talking sweltering heat of the mid-twenties to late-twenties, bikini-top and hotpants variety. It's highly strange because for the past two years our summer has quite literally been a week or two of relatively nice weather in April. Never are we actually blessed with such hot spells during June and July which makes me wonder whether there is something wrong with the Earth and its axis or its orbit around the Sun. Let's not forget that this is still Britain so there has obviously been the odd shower here and there, not to mention that I see rain forecast for practically all of next week *frowns*.Pros
- No more six layers of clothing, and no more scarves and gloves, which consequently means no more having to waddle around stiffly like a penguin. Yippee! Also, no more of that winter red nose that could easily rival Rudolph's and put him right out of employment.
- I can now parade around in my skimpy wardrobe without people batting a disgusted eyelid or offering me their jacket in an attempt to cover me up. I don't believe in winter clothes you see, why waste good money on wool and cashmere when you can buy florals and prints instead? That there is pretty much my motto, along with 'it's better to be overdressed than underdressed'. Ninety-nine percent of my attire consists of dresses and skirts, all in a variety of styles and hues, all just bursting to be released into the world, desperate to be worn, adorned, modelled, to simply fulfil their one true purpose in life, and it is summer who grants my dresses and skirts their eager wish. Hurrah!
- Ditching the winter coat. Sure, this can be filed neatly under the first point but nope, I feel it deserves a whole damn bulletpoint of its own. I hate coats. They are bulky, and make you look massive. Especially if you are lacking in height, like myself. In which case you come across as rather short and dumpy. And why are coats always so shapeless? And so difficult to move around in? And I've noticed that they always look better on the hanger than on a person, and on models of course, and celebrities too but no, I don't believe coats were designed with mere mortals in mind. Drop the coat and drop half a stone - it's true!
- Shiny happy people. No, not the R.E.M track, I mean people being all smiley and upbeat-like, with a skip in their step, and permanent jazz hands. Birds, butterflies, rainbows and blue skies. Maybe there is something to that Seasonal Affective Disorder malarkey after all eh. And there I was thinking it was just an elaborate excuse to be grumpy during winter months.
- Beer gardens. An awesome way to spend lazy summer evenings, with a cold alcoholic beverage in one hand, and a smoke in the other. And the seats are actually dry this time of the year! Hey, it is not alcohol and cigarette specific either so non-drinkers and non-smokers are more than welcome to join in too with their apple and mango J2O, we don't discriminate you know!
- It gets dark much later which makes the day seem miles longer. More time for flirty magic summer fun.
- A melting face. Not that my face is made of chocolate or wax. And no, I'm not referring to that overdone cosmetic surgery look. What I mean is that heat equals makeup that refuses to stay put which in turn means that notorious smudgy, shiny face syndrome. Hmmmph. Oh and I wonder whether plastic surgery would actually begin to melt if exposed to too much direct sunlight?
- Having to shave your legs every single damn waking moment. There's no hiding behind black tights any longer. Damn. Which evidently means having to set the alarm ten minutes earlier to ensure smooth, fuzz-free pins, and I'll have you know that sleep deprived of those ten minutes makes all the difference. Oh and let's not forget those nasty, unsightly, pest-like razor bumps. Grrr.
- There is also no more hiding behind the trusty, comfortable winter coat. Lumps and bumps are fully on display now which means a battle between you and the scales. Boo for summer diets and exercise. The irony here, however is that summer also means temptation in the form of calorie-ladden ice-cream, and the fact that it is offically too hot to work out - government warning I swear, Mr Cameron himself said so. Hmmm, so how exactly is one then supposed to embark upon the ritualistic 'beach diet'? Somewhat of a 'Catch-22' situation here methinks.
- Sunlight exposes a multitude of sins. I don't mean theft and attempted murder here, I mean that it is harsher on blemishes and flaws. Every pore and pimple becomes magnified in the summer. Damn you sun!
- The lethargic state. Just thinking, excessive heat damages the central processing unit of electronics, in the same way I believe it frazzles the human control centre. I don't care if it's not exactly scientific or even true in any shape or form, it is nevertheless my excuse for the general slow-down that is induced by the great summer sun.
- Constant thirst. This is not sexual you filthy-minded people. I am talking about having to constantly down cold drinks which is not all that great for a small bladdered specimen like moi as it involves a rapid increase in loo visits - people must think I am either constipated or suffering from a bout of diarrhea, and troubled bowels are just not sexy.
I just wonder how those that live in either a warm or cold climate cope? I suppose what I mean to say is that I am truly grateful for seasons. Seasons are beautiful and provide such variety and contrast, not to mention relief. Is this morphing into some sort of cheesy Thanksgiving speech? Which by the way we should so have in this country, not the speech that is, the holiday. How fab would that be? Not just because it means one more day off work. Honest.
Please note: this post has been delayed by like a week *slaps wrists* I really should know better than to attempt something so time-sensitive. So all that rain I speak/spoke of, yes, that was pretty much all last week.
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