Animal magic

I've had quite a bit of an animal fest recently, what with visits to both the London Zoo and the London Sealife Aquarium, which by the way is pretty much like a zoo for fishes.

Yes, I'm really a big kid at heart. I find there's something magical about zoos, it's like stepping into another world, it's not quite Narnia or Neverland or the Land of Oz but it's still pretty neat. Almost exotic. I don't care too much for zebras, giraffes, gorillas and the like, for me it's all about the cuties - penguins, koala bears, lemurs and squirrel monkeys. They are so adorable and fascinating to watch. And no, this doesn't make me a perpetrator of crimes against animals.

Many people believe zoos enforce animal cruelty. C'mon guys, it's no circus. Animals at zoos are not expected to perform, in fact for the most part they just lie around sleeping which does make me think that perhaps they are bored partly because they are enclosed. Or maybe it's just their lavish lifestyle that has accustomed them to this level of laziness. Yes, they are under the microscope so to speak, with curious eyes peering at them and chubby kiddie fingers trying to poke about at them but surely it's as entertaining for them as it is for us? We get to watch animals, they get to watch humans, it's a fair deal really. And just how different is their lifestyle from that of a celebrity who is constantly under the glare and scrutiny of a camera lens? In that retrospective, they are quite similar to these entertainers, but with significantly less of the entertaining and obviously minus the A-list lifestyle. Almost each day they get to be the centre of attention, which many of the egotistical and self-indulgent animals probably thrive on, it's rather like having their own television show. Next they will be dishing out autographs.

Fair enough, they deserve to be out in the wild because that's their natural habitat and all that malarkey but truthfully we all know that they are well fed and cared for at zoos. Spoilt one may even say. They are also protected here, not under threat from other animals who would normally target them outside the security of such a safety net. I know plenty that are firmly anti-zoo would suggest they place me in a cage and see how I feel, and to be honest go for it, I think I would ironically find it rather liberating. I could quite easily do away with my job. I would happily sit in an enclosure with my fellow like-minded creatures, it would be a playground of some sort, and I would be a three-year old again, scrambling around with the others in this mini adventure land, and hey, if you human folk are lucky, I might even flash you a smile.

Animals, in my opinion, have it real easy. Well, the ones in zoos anyway. Ultimately their daily activities quite literally are eating and sleeping. Where's the difficulty in that? Or cruelty for that matter? They are sheltered from the money-driven society we struggle within. For they say 'money is the root of all evil', their world is then the purest. It would be interesting, very Caveman-like, to live in a world where coins and notes did not exist or govern. A much more simple existence with no hint of materialism whatsoever.

I would willingly swap my life with, say, a penguin, a brand spanking new life where emotions are not heavily at play, love is meaningless, relationships are pants, how much heartbreak would you save yourself from? And no having to primp and prune yourself, endless hours in front of the mirror grooming your hair or camouflaging a pimple, no more 'fat days', how great would it be to live in a world where appearance did not matter at all, a world that wasn't so shallow and superficial? I know Mr Darwin believes we evolved from apes, unfortunately I really wish we hadn't evolved at all, I feel we have had nothing to gain from it but hardship and pain, 'ignorance is bliss' after all, and I would rather be that ignorant ape with his straighforward lifestyle, devoid of stress, anxiety and other headaches that plague the average human. It's not a competitve world that the ape belongs to, he can leisurely go about his business, there is no such thing as time because there is no such thing as money. It's like being an infant again, when we were free of these adult-related troubles, and each day consisted of eating, playing and sleeping. Oh to be an infant again. Better still, oh to be an ape again!

So basically what I am trying to say is that I have no sympathy for animals fortunate enough to have made zoos their home, I am quite envious of them actually so there. Those that cry cruelty have obviously not actually sat down and thoroughly thought about the entire situation, if they had, they would have reached the same conclusion I have - animals, those lucky sods. It is those that don't have the pleasure of such an accommodation that I truly feel sorry for, the ones who have to live by the 'survival of the fittest' rule, the ones who find themselves a victim in predator-prey relationships, the ones who have no idea whether they will get a meal tonight or will become a meal tonight.

And for those whom it may concern: I am a vegetarian. Just so you know.