.. or, as in plain ol' English, 'The Phantom of the Opera'. Just sounds so much more alluring and exotic in French though, no? Anyway, I finally managed to quit the dilly dallying and dragged my well-proportioned ass down to Her Majesty's Theatre for the popular gothic tragedy. Before I am met with a resounding series of tutting I must iterate that I have not purposely evaded the musical all my goddamn twenty-eight years, if anything it has evaded me. Honestly. So skipping the done to death plot summaries, here is what I took away from the whole shebang:
- If you don't conform to the physical norm you better make sure you have a talent to offer, something that distracts from your imperfections. A bit like how individuals of a larger variety are expected to be comediens. Or failing that, bubbly. Similarly the Phantom, shielding his disfigurement behind a mask, relies heavily on his musical abilities to prove his worthiness and existence. Lesson: being ugly is hard work.
- Society is pretentious full stop. The Phantom is mysterious and dangerous, not to mention immensely talented, for there is something very sexy about a man talented in the arts. Raoul on the other hand I find awfully blah. Yeah okay, maybe he is reliable and all that jazz but nevertheless still very blah. Yet Christine 'picks' him. I would like to believe she sincerely loves him however I prefer the idea that Christine is just shallow and superficial. Lesson: being ugly gets you nowhere. Oh and nice guys don't always finish last.
- Christine is, mind my language, a prick-tease. She is the puppet-master. She strings both fellas along with her innocent act of being all indecisive and torn. Aww, poor li'l confused Cwissy eh. Oh she's a wily minx that one. There are those that are adamant that she was in fact under the Phantom's hypnotic trance, that she only ever really played the role of a dutiful student to her mentor - hmmm, not buying it. The passionate woman in Christine quite fancied a bit of rough. It's a classic heart versus head dilemma at play here, Christine goes with the latter, and the inner romantic in me desolately weeps. Lesson: bad boys aren't for life, they're just for flings. Oh and for maximum relationship drama be flirty but flighty, don't be afraid to toy with hearts and never give it up so easy. Guys like to chase. Amen.
- The Phantom is in dire need of a relationship coach, a professional who can help him woo his lady love in a more mild fashion. He starts off well, bless him. At first he's captivating and enigmatic but rapidly proceeds to stalkerish and desperate. Dude, like chill, tone down the intensity. He probably would have managed a home-run had he played it a little cool. Also, gals are not that enthusiastic about murderers and abductors Mr Phantom, criminals are scary not sexy. Lesson: guys try not to be too keen or eager in your pursuit of females. Oh and a persistent obsession is by no means romantic, it is pure derangement, in such scenarios please seek psychiatric help.
... and those are the brilliant life lessons I gathered from the epic love triangle. 'The Phantom of the Opera' - not massively politically correct but a great visual guide to the realm of love and relationships - self-help at its finest I say!
No comments:
Post a Comment