Playing God

Theme Hospital - it may not compete in the league of big cats such as Grand Theft Auto or Call of Duty, it may choose to dwell in the realm of the unknown, lingering well below the radar, shying away from popularity maps, however addictive and entertaining it most certainly is, and this cannot be denied. It is not massively technical or huge on graphics but maybe its charm lies in its simplicity.

How did I discover such an anonymous gem I hear one ask? Good question indeed. I mean I'm no longer as keen on gaming as I used to be in my teens and early twenties, I was pretty much a Playstation addict then, and no matter what, at heart, I shall always remain a Playstation chick, no Xbox or Wii can ever tempt me, PS is truly where it's at. I first crossed paths with Theme Hospital way back in the day, it formed part of a games bundle that I received with my new computer. Now I'm not into pc games so I just tossed it aside, besides it couldn't even begin to compare with the better of the bunch like Need for Speed and Fifa - it just looked quite cheap and vapid in relation to them.

Anyway, so one day, out of boredom, or possibly curiosity, who knows, I picked up this odd looking game and stuck it in the cd slot (sounds rather sexual I know), and found myself pleasantly surprised. So here I am many years later, my memory of the long forgotten Theme Hospital suddenly awakened, realising that I had two weeks off work to recover from my surgery (a post on that should appear pretty soon folks) I decided to order myself a copy of the game so that we could get reacquainted. It is exactly the kind of game you want to play when you are feeling pretty down in the dumps and bleurgh to the max because it's nothing too aggressive, active or intense. For the most part you can plod along at your own pace. The game was an absolute bargain by the way, it is hardly in demand after all, I imagine ninety-nine percent of the population haven't even heard of it and are unaware of its existence. If Theme Hospital were a person, I expect they would be highly suicidal at the moment, ready to jump off a bridge or sling themselves in front of a moving train.

So about the game then. The general idea is creating a hospital from scratch. Yes, I know it doesn't sound very exciting but you are basically given a plot of land and from then on pretty much all decisions are in your hands (muah-ha-ha! That's an evil laugh by the way, just in case you didn't realise) - you must build suitable rooms within the 'hospital' and employ appropriate and able staff. You move towards the next level once you fulfil the success criteria for the current level - this is usually the bank balance, reputation, hospital worth, cure count and percentage of patients cured. You must satisfy both staff and patients, this means staff should be kept well-rested and well-paid whereas patients should be greeted with a warm and clean environment with plenty of amenities on offer such as seating, toilets and drinks machines. Rooms fall under four categories: diagnosis, treatment, clinics and facilities - more advanced rooms/equipment become available as you proceed within the game, or rather as your research progresses. You can also expand your hospital by acquiring further plots of land.

There are several testing factors thrown in for good measure - earthquakes which damage equipment, epidemics which must be either declared or tackled efficiently otherwise both your bank balance and reputation will take a hit, sometimes there are only incompetent junior doctors available who must then be trained by a consultant in order to specialise as a psychiatrist, researcher or surgeon, there may be medical emergencies with bonuses on offer where a number of patients with the same condition must be treated within a time limit should you accept the challenge, those that you fail to treat within the specified time automatically die. There is also a regular VIP inspector who expresses to visit (read: inspect) the hospital from time to time, if they are impressed with the state of your establishment a cash sum is awarded and your reputation increases.

The only thing you can't control within the game are the actions of the patients. Although, you can move their order in queues and you ultimately have the ability to eject them from your hospital, a good move if they are on their deathbed with no cure in sight (yes it's mean but you ain't no Mother Teresa, this is strictly about money and reputation folks, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen - wow, I had no idea I could be so ruthless and business-minded). Other than that patients are rather like children and pets - no, not cute and adorable, I meant highly unpredictable. Staff can be more easily manipulated - hired and fired as you see fit, moved from room to room as required, you can even get handymen to prioritise their duties. Keeping your hospital in great condition, tending to all its needs, handling all dilemmas effectively whilst constantly striving to improve and update should help you complete each level. After the success criteria have been met, you receive a letter offering you a better position with better pay at a more demanding hospital. At the same time, if you falter and stray too far from this very same success criteria, for example if your reputation hits an all time low or your bank balance finds itself too far gone in the minus zone then it is game over and you have to restart the same level again. Gameplay and rules are the same for each level, and yes it can get fairly repetitive. It is a game that you can quickly get obsessed with and just as quickly grow tired of. After all, building the same rooms, hiring the same staff, treating the same illnesses hospital after hospital can become very monotonous. It is a refreshing concept at first but soon becomes considerably tedious and yawn-ish. The term 'it was good while it lasted' can be applied here. Once it gets to this stage, put it down, step away from it, let it collect dust and rediscover it again a few months down the line, the novelty doesn't wear away pemanently.

This is becoming a long-winded review which is not at all what I had intended. I wanted to illustrate that the primary appeal of this game is that the player can assume a powerful omnipresent role, and like they say, with great power comes great responsibility. I gather the game is a great representation of the man above as an architect of the universe - I presume he too screams profanities when natural disasters like earthquakes target his handiwork, or when epidemics cause the demise of his creation.

So if you quite fancy your managerial skills, or would like to feed your ego, if you want to exercise complete control, or flaunt your authority, if you reckon making decsions are your forte, or just simply want to play God à la 'Bruce Almighty' then this little treasure should be right up your street.